It hasn’t even been a week since Donald Trump strutted back into the presidential spotlight, and already he’s cranking up the engines and putting the pedal to the metal. First on the agenda? A not-so-subtle purging of all those pesky criminal Proud Boys. Just think of it as a VIP welcome back party—everyone’s getting released, free as birds, and Trump is reminding everyone that he’s the one holding the keys. Meanwhile, planes are gearing up to ferry away the “trash” of America, headed back to Mexico. Because nothing says “welcome” quite like deportation, right?
Now, let’s talk about that gem of a conversation featuring the queen of cringe, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. While chatting with the ever-relevant John Stewart, whose main job now seems to be redeeming his history in comedy by playing referee, AOC stumbled through an explanation of a law that already exists. Her idea of debating criminal deportations to avoid potential embarrassment? Priceless. Apparently, her grasp on the law is as slippery as a banana peel, and John Stewart, bless him, tried to gently nudge her back to reality. You’ll excuse us if we don’t exactly hold our breath waiting for the left to take accountability for the millions of illegals “leeching” off taxpayers. But hey, when you’re busy in the middle of a legislative circus act, who needs facts, right?
On the Capitol Hill front, Marjorie Taylor Greene stepped up to the plate, swinging for the fences and tackling the real issues: the media’s obsession with January 6th. The scene was legendary—the CNN clown tried to pin her down about the notorious “J6” prisoners like a dog with a bone. Greene, meanwhile, threw questions back into the abyss about the Biden family’s pardons. And can we talk about how mundane these media folks have become? Honestly, are they that surprised people outside the Beltway care more about kitchen table issues than about a day in the life of an overzealous rioter? As she might say, “Everyone outside of here is sick and tired of it!” Meanwhile, the left keeps loading their cannons with past grievances instead of coming up with new material. Always a classic!
If that wasn’t enough, some federal workers are apparently up in arms over the ridiculous “return-to-office” mandate issued by the Trumpster. Can you imagine? For many of them, it’s as if the apocalypse has arrived! The horror of having to pack up their slippers and return to the cozy confines of an ivory tower they’ve been slacking off in! Accountability? What’s that? Poor guys are crying into their TikTok microphones, lamenting their fate of having to pretend to work again. In a shocking twist of irony, one guy even invited fellow fed employees to reach out and commiserate with him—like a support group for government workers. The real kicker? They pretty much had the easiest gravy train imaginable, and now they’re getting moody over an early alarm clock.
And if you were wondering what’s cooking in Hollywood, brace yourself. The Oscar nominations are rolling in hot, and it looks like this year, the film that might just win Best Picture is a foreign-language musical about a drug lord’s gender transition. Yes, you heard that right! A full-fledged blockbuster about cartel leaders and surgeries! The plot sounds so absurd, it could double as the latest episode of a surrealist soap opera. Meanwhile, “The Daily Show” continues to poke fun at the ridiculousness of the liberal world order, showcasing a diverse crowd of what we can only assume are various stages of existential dread. Maybe that’s the real comedy of the situation—a self-absorbed group of individuals with an unsolvable case of the feels.
So, there you have it—only a smidge over 120 hours into the New Trump Era, and already America is back on the right track. Between praise for a new slate of reality-checks and possibly decades worth of cringe-worthy award-winning films, it’s safe to say that the left is still wading through the drama. Buckle up, folks, because this ride is just getting started, and it’s bound to be one for the history books!
