In a whirlwind of executive action that could make even the most seasoned bureaucrat spill their organic kale smoothie, President Trump has kicked off his inauguration week with a bang. Forget political niceties; he’s ordered federal employees ensnared in the grip of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) programs to take an extended vacation—a leave from what some might argue is the workplace’s equivalent of a never-ending group hug. By 5 PM Eastern, those woke departments were scrambling to tell their well-meaning employees that they’d be put on leave as the government prepares to cut ties with this fluffy social experiment. If that doesn’t say “Happy New Year,” what does?
Meanwhile, 1,500 active-duty troops are on their way to the southern border to fulfill the newest directive, which basically screams, “No more asylum hearings for you.” It’s a no-nonsense, tough-love approach that’s got many progressives clutching their pearls. Some might say they would rather hug a cactus than face this reality. But let’s not forget, where there’s a will, there’s a way—particularly when it comes to deporting those pesky uninvited guests known as “criminal invaders.” Here’s a plot twist: Mexico is now building shelters for these deportees, a development sure to make their own critics shake their heads. Who knew that sending people home could double as a humanitarian endeavor?
Oh, and what would this be without a sprinkle of outrage from the glorious guardians of truth, like the New York Times? They’re positively beside themselves that President Trump has labeled drug cartels as terrorist organizations. Apparently, this label might somehow hurt the U.S. economy. Perhaps they’ve just realized that their largest shareholder, a Mexican billionaire with deep ties to the cartels, may find this an inconvenience. It’s a small world, really, and if you’re a billionaire navigating the treacherous waters of cartel dealings, it might help to tilt your editorial perspective just a tad.
Meanwhile, in a flattering show of bipartisan agreement that has liberals grinding their teeth, Trump has commuted the sentences of most January 6 protesters. Meanwhile, we have the leader of the Oath Keepers making headlines by proudly standing by his prior actions at the Capitol. To hear him tell it, they were just innocent folks protecting like-minded Americans from the Antifa boogeyman. Who knew riot shields had become fashion statements? The media is crying foul, but can you blame them? Who doesn’t love a good narrative twist straight out of an action movie plot?
As if the dizzying array of policy changes wasn’t enough to make progressive heads spin faster than a hamster on a wheel, let’s not forget that with Trump back in the saddle, the United States has officially returned to a two-gender system—male and female. Cue the gasps from the cultural Marxists. In an era where Facebook once dubbed 58 genders as norm, Trump is bringing it back to the basics in an unexpected showdown against political correctness. It’s nostalgia at its finest, proving once again that sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And in delightful news, it appears this cavalcade of common sense is leading to job growth as American manufacturing returns from its vacation overseas. What a world we live in!
So, as the dust settles on the inaugural festivities, it seems President Trump hasn’t just come back; he’s come back swinging. For those living in the “woke” dimension, these last few days have been a roll of the eyes and a cringeworthy meme fodder. But for others, it looks like we may finally be taking the wheel away from the highway of absurdity. And hey, if this means more jobs and less bureaucratic nonsense, consider this week a win for the ages!
