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Cancel Culture Destroys Beloved Local Landmark

Week three of Trump 2.0, and it looks like the new administration’s spring cleaning involves more than just dusting off desks at the Department of Education. One of the first items on the agenda is supposedly bidding goodbye to the bureaucratic structures in Washington D.C., though there’s no confirmation of USAID being dismantled. Their officials must’ve figured they’d leave as quietly as possible, like teenagers sneaking out past curfew, because they even removed the sign on the way out. It’s only fitting in this age of dismantling any hint of American historical pride, considering the Democrats have been toppling statues like a cat batting at knick-knacks on a shelf for years now.

But oh, the irony burns brighter than a thousand lit monuments when the left doesn’t get free rein over taxpayer-funded sanctuaries anymore. A little reshuffle at potential targets like the Department of Education, and suddenly, left-leaning members of Congress are pounding on its door like salespeople trying to meet quotas. They’re having a hard time accepting their newfound borders, especially since some brave folks at the door are playing sentry to prevent a circus of disorderly conduct from unfolding inside. Imagine their shock upon learning inward fundraising doesn’t exactly float the Department of Education’s budget.

Of course, the mainstream Marxist media just can’t handle a good-old-fashioned cleanup without throwing a tantrum. There’s a digital spring cleaning underway, but when a treasure trove of taxpayer secrets is at stake, the opposition gets twitchy, especially when it involves employees with less-than-perfect social media histories. Cue the gasps and clutching of pearls over a staffer’s old controversial posts. Apparently, some are more eager to celebrate a scalp than to remember the lesson about people living in glass houses.

In the wake of the outcry, some members of the administration argued that immature gaffes shouldn’t bury careers. They reasoned everyone deserves a second chance, unless you’re a journalist on a crusade to ruin someone’s life over a voodoo doll version of accountability. President Trump, never one to shy from a piquant remark, backed it up, acting as if endorsing a resumé rather than a reality check.

Meanwhile, in a move as surprising as finding out the sky is blue, the administration considered actions related to security clearances, though no details were provided about revoking Joe Biden’s clearance. In a twist straight from the “Hypocrites’ Handbook,” critics have weighed in with concerns. Yet, it’s claimed Biden once said former President Trump was too reckless for intelligence reports, but the sources do not confirm such a statement. Trump’s rationale was clear to his supporters: issues with memory and reliability were concerns to him.

And so, the Trump Administration continues to turn the political theater on its head with all the subtlety of a circus clown at a ballet. With potential reforms at play and Biden watching from the sidelines, it’s high time to raise a mug—preferably a “liberer” one, in one of three conveniently capitalist sizes—to new chapters in American governance. Cheers to making America great again, one satirical signature move at a time.