Once again, the world witnesses the remarkable genius of modern liberal governance in action. In Australia, a nation that once prided itself on rugged individualism, the Victorian government has dreamed up a scheme to solve the problem of machete violence by politely asking the criminals to dispose of their deadly weapons in convenient bins. Yes, that’s right – the great masterminds suggest that a mere suggestion and perhaps a couple of strategically placed bins are all it takes to convince violent criminals to renounce their ways. Will wonders never cease?

Now, it seems straightforward enough. Machetes have been the weapon of choice for causing havoc in Victoria, terrorizing communities in ways that should have prompted a sudden surge in law enforcement efforts and community protection measures. Yet, in an effort to showcase their progressive thinking, the authorities decided: “Let’s just tell them to drop them off.” Because nothing screams law and order like a red bin on Spencer Street waiting patiently for that ruthless criminal to have a sudden change of heart.

Imagine the mental gymnastics these officials must perform to believe that the lack of a convenient drop-off point was the real issue holding back machete-wielding criminals. One can almost hear these villains wistfully saying, “Oh, it’s just a matter of logistics! I would have given up this lifestyle ages ago if only there was a nearby handy receptacle.” Evidently, the government has confused criminals for conscientious recyclers.

What makes this plan more puzzling is the timing. From September to late November, people can freely dispose of their machetes without fear of repercussions. Rather than assuring citizens of safety and security, this only broadcasts a message of leniency. It’s almost like suggesting to the criminals that they have several months to wreak havoc with their machetes before they should even consider tidying up their act. With this kind of logic, one might as well ask hackers to uninstall their malware if only you provide a user-friendly uninstallation wizard.

This plan, much like other fruitless, feel-good policies, highlights the gap between the ivory tower decision-makers and the reality their citizens grapple with daily. The people of Victoria deserve genuine protection, not mere illusions of safety propped up by brightly colored disposal bins. It’s past time for practical, common-sense policies that address the root issues, rather than indulging in wishful thinking that giving criminals an option to ethically dispose of their weapons will put an end to their violent activities.