Trump Tramples Democrats, Says Kellyanne Conway

A recent Gallup poll has unveiled an astonishing statistic: 0% of Democrats are happy with the direction of the country. It’s almost hard to believe, right? Zero percent isn’t a number you see every day. Yet, this seemingly impossible feat just emphasizes the stark divide between those on the left and the rest of America. While the Democrats are busy holding meetings, declaring rights for this group or that group, it seems they’ve overlooked their own happiness.

At a recent Democrats’ meeting, officials were focused on everything except what really matters to most Americans—they are clearly missing the memo. Their discussion topics ranged from recognizing the Dakota people to avoiding “bait” about crime, all of which sounded more like a niche university lecture than a conversation about national priorities. Some of them even took a moment to lash out at political opponents in creatively bizarre ways, making obscure references to swollen ankles. It’s no wonder they’re sitting at zero happiness.

Kellyanne Conway, a guest on a conservative news channel, shared her bewilderment, commenting on how rare it is to even see a poll result come back with a big, fat zero. It’s the kind of result that makes one suspect there’s some serious self-reflection needed on the other side of the aisle. Apparently, since 1972, conservatives have reported being happier and more joyful. Who knew being on the right side of lower taxes and a secure border would bring such joy?

The University of Chicago has confirmed this ongoing trend with their happiness study, showing that the most joyful demographic happens to be conservative women. Conversely, liberal men are holding the unenviable title of the least happy. It’s intriguing when you think about it; perhaps some good old-fashioned values and common sense are the real keys to happiness. Meanwhile, the relentless negativity seems to weigh heavily on the left’s psyche.

It’s always amusing to see how Democrats react to progress. Even as crime rates improve and other positive metrics rise, they’re unable to grasp the goodness, focusing instead on the gloomy side of things. It’s almost as if they thrive on creating opportunities out of calamity and suffering. If only they’d take a step back, join a friend from across the political divide, and perhaps even enjoy a bit of fresh air. Who knows? They might discover that life can be joyous with the right attitude.

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Keith Jacobs

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