In the grand theater of modern-day identity politics, we now have the latest act: the world’s most self-righteous anti-racist has arrived. It seems they’ve decided to audition for MS Now, the rebranded version of MSNBC. Forget actual journalism—when you can host a Jerry Springer-style circus on prime time, why not rebrand and keep things equally entertaining? This fearless anti-racist is on a mission: to save white people from themselves, whether they like it or not.

First on their agenda is to educate the world about how racism—gasp!—actually makes white people’s lives worse. Imagine that. According to this well-informed persona, racism “shrinks your world.” Apparently, when white families opt for suburbia, they’re missing out on a global buffet of experiences—legal and otherwise. Who knew that choosing safety and good schools for your kids was keeping you from the joys of mariachi fests across the fence every weekend?

Next, this anti-racist educator enlightens us on the mind-boggling mystery of why racist folks age poorly. Is it the lack of beauty creams or too many hateful scribbles online? We may never truly know. But fear not, moving to a blissfully homogeneous neighborhood comes highly recommended for those seeking joy and stress reduction. It’s almost like they’re describing a utopian paradise, where the melody of neighborly leaf blowers is the soundtrack of happiness.

And then the economic lecture kicks in. Racism, surprise surprise, is bad for business. Boycotting minority-owned enterprises, who knew, is terrible for the economy. Our activist pauses to remind white America that their dollar signs are shrinking as rapidly as their social circles, shocking absolutely no one who has ever walked into a Starbucks.

But wait, it turns out there’s a plot twist. While our hero preaches unity and togetherness, the universities mention play a different tune. Implementing “black-only dorms” is apparently a progressive necessity to create a “safe space.” The irony here is thicker than a New York cheesecake. So, segregation is bad—unless you’re advocating for it as an affinity space. Logical consistency? Just another victim of identity politics.

Finally, if you manage to peel your eyes away from the circus, you’d notice that Hollywood’s unholy union with woke culture has made even our young audience roll their eyes. The rejection from Generation Z and Alpha is like a breeze of fresh air. The woke brigade, with its relentless deconstruction of Pocahontas (because who doesn’t love dissecting an animated classic?), has managed to make fun, well, extinct.

Our anti-racist star might be trying out for a soapbox diatribe gig on MS Now, but it’s all a bit exhausting. Perhaps they should try acting out a scene from reality instead. But that might be asking too much in this era of reheated theatrics where irony is not just found in the dialogue, but apparently left unsaid in the coffee shop’s PSAs.