In the delightful chaos that is the political arena, Maine has become the stage for an unbelievable saga. Governor Janet Mills has decided to bow out of the race for Senate, leaving a clear path for the self-proclaimed communist candidate, Graham Platner. They say you are what you eat, but I doubt that even the myriad oysters Mr. Platner has shucked in his allegedly working-class life can mask the odorous scent of controversy following his campaign. While he tries to present himself as the salt-of-the-earth oyster farmer, his past suggests otherwise, what with the money-influenced upbringing and private-school education. Oh, but that’s just the frosty tip of this iceberg.
Platner’s campaign hit a bit of a snag when it surfaced that he once sported a tattoo resembling Nazi insignia on his chest. Now, he claims it was a youthful mistake, covered up both literally and metaphorically. He might have repented, but somehow he appears more perturbed by the Republicans’ relentless television ads highlighting this faux pas than by the actual blunder. One might think that once you’ve declared yourself a revolutionary, boisterously advocating for the torches and pitchforks of political upheaval, you’d expect a bit of pushback. But, alas, here we are, with Platner shocked that his past is prancing around the campaign stage unbidden.
But let’s not stop there. He’s also had a knack for stirring additional controversy beyond body art. Platner has been criticized for remarks that downplayed the severity of rape, while also suggesting Democrats ought to have a good supply of arms to tackle fascism. In a particularly charming address to rural America, he deduced that they were both racist and, well, not the sharpest tools in the shed. But fret not, dear reader, Mr. Platner has since disavowed those comments. Move aside, because this is the gentleman Senator Elizabeth Warren eagerly anticipates calling a colleague. It seems embracing one’s past rhetoric when it suits your narrative is old hat for our dear firebrands.
Enter the mainstream media to fan the flames with sympathetic portrayals. The ever-perceptive New York Times reflects on Democratic voters in Maine and their “white-hot fury.” That envy is steaming, no doubt. With no apparent policy genius on display, Platner’s strategy appears to focus on obstruction, determined to haul every individual in the Trump administration to the grand and upholstered theater of Senate committee hearings. It’s a bold plan, reminiscent of a court jester belly-laughing at the dysfunction lingering in the halls of power. Stay tuned for what platters of oysters and subpoenas will turn up next season.
And if you thought the political landscape couldn’t get zanier, enter Spirit Airlines spectacularly pulling the plug on itself overnight. Now, there’s a tale of capitalist woe if ever there was one. With 17,000 employees now considering career shifts and travelers left stranded, the decision stands as a cautionary tale against government intervention. While some might argue that a merger with another airline could have prevented this tale of woe, political fingers point in every direction, highlighting the cronies who thwarted what some might see as the capitalist utopia of market competition. If the federal government ever gets the inkling to run an airline, let us remember: they can’t even deliver the mail reliably. Thus, we find a grand finale in this sideshow, leaving one to wonder, did someone spike the socialists’ lattes, or is this simply how the cookie crumbles?
