Andrew Klavan recently tried playing Minecraft and didn’t hold back his conservative take. The popular commentator called it “one of the weirdest games” he’s ever seen, slamming its bizarre blocky world and elevator-style background music. He mocked the sun for being square and questioned why anyone would waste time building pointless towers in a meaningless virtual landscape.
Klavan built a towering structure he jokingly named “The Tower of Claven,” comparing it to the biblical Tower of Babel. He joked that creating skyscrapers in Minecraft was like rebels challenging God’s authority. “Look at this—we’ll be greater than the gods!” he laughed, highlighting how the game rewards prideful ambition without consequences.
Nighttime in Minecraft horrified Klavan most. He described how “evil creatures multiply” after sunset, calling it a perfect metaphor for our broken culture. The commentator warned this mirrors real life—remove faith and tradition, and darkness takes over. He argued leftist games like this teach kids chaos wins when we abandon moral rules.
Even basic tasks frustrated Klavan. He fumbled with white wool blocks, asking if they’d get soggy in water. The commentator blasted Minecraft’s lack of clear purpose, saying it brainwashes players into accepting pointless busywork as normal. “What ARE we doing here?” he demanded, comparing it to wasteful government programs.
Klavan slammed the game’s indie art style, calling its blocky trees and mushrooms “lazy.” He accused developers of pushing ugly modernism over beauty, just like woke activists strip classic art from schools. The sunrise scene briefly impressed him, but he quickly dismissed it as shallow “smoke and mirrors.”
The veteran storyteller warned Minecraft embodies cultural decay. He said letting kids build nonsense worlds teaches them truth is whatever they imagine. That’s why schools push it—to replace hard facts with feelings. Klavan urged parents to ban the game and teach real skills like farming or carpentry instead.
Despite his criticisms, Klavan admitted the game’s success proves conservatives are losing the culture war. He said leftists dominate entertainment because they control schools and tech. “We let prayer leave classrooms and got Satanic monuments,” he fumed. “Now our kids play games celebrating chaos!”
Klavan ended with a rallying cry. He said rebuilding America starts with rejecting garbage like Minecraft. “Plant a real garden. Read the Bible. Build something lasting,” he urged. “Our kids deserve better than square suns and zombie mobs. They deserve truth.”
