In today’s episode of “Let’s Watch Folks TikTok Their Way to Theological Enlightenment,” a parade of self-declared experts took the digital stage to earnestly dismantle the Bible with all the flair of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat—only the rabbit is skeptical about being in the hat in the first place. It’s as if they’ve all pooled their brainpower into a narrative designed to test the patience of Sunday school teachers everywhere. Powered by more certainty than needed for a lesson on gravity, these videos sought to definitively refute the Bible, you know, the perennial best-seller that’s been scrutinized more times than grandma’s apple pie recipe.

Armed with a checklist of contradictions, the TikTok theologians boldly confronted topics resolved a millennium ago. You see, for those who missed the memo, the “problem of evil” is an ancient debate pondered by Job himself—a character so introspective, he’d make Hamlet look like a mindless optimist. Yet, in what they clearly believe is a groundbreaking thesis, our TikTokers argue that God being both all-powerful and all-good is an impossible equation if we factor in natural disasters and illnesses. It’s a shame they didn’t dig into any philosophies older than Twitter to find that believers have been wrestling with these mysteries longer than skinny jeans have been back in style.

But let’s give credit where it’s due. These aficionados of the fine art of atheism cleverly wave examples from the Bible, pointing out how “ants definitely work in colonies” and “mustard seeds aren’t the smallest.” In doing so, they honestly believe they’re handing out wisdom like fortune cookies. It’s not poor exegesis; it’s just poetry! The nuances of ancient writing, yes, even ones that get botched in translation, are lost on this crew. They click their heels, declaring victory in their blitz against what they seem to consider ancient fairy tales, not understanding that the Bible’s not a science textbook.

There’s something almost endearing about their fervor. Obviously, these tireless crusaders are on a journey, though one might argue they’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere between the irony of life and the importance of humility. Their innate sense of literalism would make you think they’ve never cracked a book other than the one debunking Santa Claus. And yet, while they search scriptures for contradictions faster than a toddler on CANDY CRUSH, one wonders if their real beef isn’t with faith itself but rather with the annoying persistence of believers and their pesky habit of, you know, believing.

As they declare with newfound knowledge that walking on water is impossible, one might gently suggest that’s the exact point. Believers recognize miracles as exactly that—events that defy natural laws, not patient zero in a sci-fi movie. Their intention to use logic to undermine faith ends up being a charming exercise in enthusiasm over substance, akin to watching a dog chase its tail with zestful conviction, sans the comprehension of circles.

So there we have it, another chapter in the saga of tech-savvy but theologically-challenged scholars who’ve ironically spent more time bent over Bibles they claim to reject—a testament, perhaps, to faith’s lingering allure. Meanwhile, back in the real world, believers continue to engage with stories, legends, and teachings with a blend of skepticism and faith—possibly over a cup of morning joe and a slice of humility pie.