In what must be the most astonishing revelation yet from the Biden administration, House Oversight Committee Chair James Comer uncovers a tale worthy of a political thriller: the curious case of the auto pen. It seems that Joe Biden’s presidency was not just being run by aides—they were actually wielding the pen, too. New documents and witness testimonies suggest that many decisions, and notably those involving presidential pardons, were made without Biden’s direct involvement. Instead, the process involved a tangled web of aides and staffers, each handing down instructions like a corporate game of “telephone.” Who would have thought the auto pen would become more infamous than its holder?
Just imagine the scene, if you can. A significant decision is made in a meeting, one that the Chief of Staff Jeff Zients wasn’t even present for. Allegedly, after Zients was briefed second or third-hand by underlings, he would then authorize the auto pen to grace papers with what was essentially Biden’s signature. One has to wonder how often they flipped through the contacts in their phones just to find out what the decision was supposed to be. This process, if we can call it that, highlights a fascinating disconnect. How could the President of the United States seemingly be in such a fog over presidential directives bearing his authoritative mark?
The whole operation seemed to run like a Rube Goldberg machine, with different aides offering varying accounts of how the auto pen became the busiest hand in Washington. As with most politically charged tales, there are plots, subplots, and a healthy dollop of confusion for good measure. Take, for instance, the Department of Justice’s concern about this esoteric reliance on the auto pen. Even they were scratching their heads and firing off emails, asking which screw was loose in this bureaucratic rigmarole. It’s somewhat comforting to know that at least someone thought to question the wisdom of using an auto pen like a personal assistant.
When it comes to accountability, the Biden administration has exhibited a Houdini-esque ability to dodge the spotlight, but how long can that magic trick last? Despite the Committee’s best efforts to uncover bits and pieces of this grand mismanagement, the final picture remains as blurry as ever. Testimonies from staffers revealed an administration where seeing Biden in person was akin to spotting a dodo—two times in two years for one spokesperson. Now, that is quite the social distancing technique, even post-pandemic.
The story does not just end with Biden’s understudies playing presidential dress-up. When asked about Biden’s cognitive capabilities and the mysterious lack of a cognitive test, more questions bubble to the surface. Could it be that test results might not have favored a favorable outcome for a second-term campaign? Perhaps more unsettling than the use of an auto pen is the thought that a curtain seemed to hang in front of the decision-making process, leaving Americans to wonder just who was running the show. With more revelations likely to unfurl, one can only say that if pardons start disappearing like socks in the laundry, we’ll know the reason why.
