Once upon a time in the land of progressive think tanks and slightly skewed logic, a well-known liberal commentator finally got a clue. Chunk Uger, a towering figure among the Young Jerks, decided it was finally time to voice skepticism about the official narrative of 9/11. That’s right, dear readers, in what might be considered the wake-up call of the century, Chunk has heroically joined the ranks of “Questioning the Obvious” just a cool 25 years after the fact. But let’s pause for one second to applaud the bravery it takes to unravel bombshell revelations to an audience that’s been ten steps ahead for decades.

Chunk now passionately declares, with the fervor of a man who’s just discovered the sky is indeed blue, that perhaps the mainstream media and government aren’t entirely forthcoming. What’s next? Is water wet? This astounding revelation came after investigating the Epstein saga, which, to be fair, is a rabbit hole so deep it makes Alice’s Wonderland seem like a puddle. Such investigative prowess may even dig up the shocking news that bologna isn’t actually made from unicorns and rainbows.

Of course, Chunk’s newfound skepticism brings him to confessing that much of what the government sells is just hogwash. “We’ve been brainwashed by the corporate media,” he asserts, as if waking from a particularly long and nap-heavy slumber. The only surprise left, really, is how corporate media managed to air his antics without a hint of irony. Next stop, Chunk, is a lifetime supply of tinfoil hats, because once you start down this path, who knows what wild theories might come next?

Meanwhile, over in the realm of Hollywood, they surely must be reeling from this epiphany. One wonders if they’ll start casting Chunk in the next round of conspiracy thrillers. Perhaps after this, he’ll get around to unraveling the mysteries of fast-food marketing or, heaven forbid, reading the back of a cereal box. It’s a bold new world, Chunk, and we’re glad you’ve finally showed up — while the rest of us were busy, you know, asking questions and thinking critically for fun.

So, let’s raise our collective eyebrow and clink our virtual coffee mugs to Chunk — a true latecomer to the party of questioning everything. May his revelations arrive swifter than the next season of his show, and may his fans stick around long enough to see if he plucks any other low-hanging fruits. Cheers!