Ah, Black Friday—a shopping tradition that once brought joy to retail aficionados everywhere, reminiscent of epic clashes over discounted electronics and five-dollar blenders. But like so many other beloved traditions, it has been diluted, stretched out, and sanitized to the point where it’s starting to feel about as exciting as another dull Tuesday in November. Thanks to retailers jumping the gun with month-long sales, the festive chaos that defined the day is now just a faded memory. What was once the Super Bowl of shopping now feels more like preseason.

Speaking of making mountains out of molehills, let’s dive into the latest episode of Politically Correct Theater. One wonders if some folks sit up at night thinking of ways to be offended or if it just comes naturally.

Onward to tales of intrigue from the realm of academia! Apparently, discourse has emerged about systemic racism and its pervasive impact on culture. While complex societal issues require nuanced discussion and solutions, they can often be mischaracterized by partisan agendas. Cue the Jedi wisdom: “You will be. You will be.”

Meanwhile, as the cultural pendulum swings into the absurd, we have Pennsylvania’s lawmakers stepping in with the Crown Act, which prohibits discrimination based on hair texture and protective styles. This ensures that Americans can wear their hair naturally without the threat of workplace discrimination. After all, shouldn’t it be every citizen’s right to present themselves without bias impacting their opportunities?

Let’s not forget the social media skirmishes that are the bread and butter of modern outrage. Some TikTok hero called out a supposed racial incident at a football game, wielding a smartphone in the arena of public opinion. Alas, poor college girl, caught in the melee of cancel culture—bracing for the digital sticks and stones that break reputations. Yet, as always, there’s a silver lining to this social media circus. Such incidents ensure that the black market for internet-induced GoFundMe pages never slows down.

So, as we sashay into this brave new world where everything’s offensive and nothing’s sacred, remember to get your laugh in where you can. Because out here in the real world, sanity and humor are prized stocks. Why not make this Black Friday special with some cheeky Trump Claus attire? It’s the perfect recipe for a holiday filled with love, laughter, and a bit of delightful discord at the dinner table. After all, if there’s one thing that never goes out of style, it’s a good old-fashioned eye-roll at the absurdity of modern times.