In today’s world, we’ve got more jokes than we can handle, and perhaps that’s necessary given just how ludicrous some current events are. On the docket is the story of Kilmar Abrego Garcia, who is finding himself on the unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on one’s culinary taste) path of yet another deportation. One can’t help but imagine him collecting these deportations like stamps on a rewards card, with a tantalizing Subway sandwich waiting at the end of the journey. It’s a curious reward system, indeed.

Amidst this, the saga of Zorhran Mamdani and his bench-pressing escapades continues to unfold in the realm of the humorous. Apparently, lifting 135 pounds isn’t on his resume just yet. But every strongman has his day, or at least that’s what they say when they’re short of excuses. Meanwhile, Riley Gaines and Lia Thomas are raising the bar, or the weights in this case, in an unexpected turn of gym time rivalry. The competition is heating up, and one can only assume there’s a secret league of extraordinary weightlifters out there plotting their next elusive feat.

Now, onto what really has the nation abuzz – executive orders flying out like hotcakes, courtesy of the one and only President Trump. One executive order aims to strip away federal funds from those pesky left-wing cities that have implemented cashless bails, with another to ensure suspects aren’t making an early exit from custody before trial. It’s a no-nonsense approach to crime that’s already seeing a pleasant drop in murder rates, particularly in Washington D.C. Perhaps Trump’s formula for success simply involves keeping folks on their toes and miscreants behind bars.

But the pièce de résistance is the newly signed executive order that brands flag burning as an act warranting a year in the slammer. As Trump would have it, the sight of Old Glory in flames seems to drive the masses to chaos, and he’s not having any of it. It’s now a case of “burn a flag, get a free year’s stay at the state’s finest institutions.” Some might argue it curtails free speech, but it certainly ensures that the patriotic paperweights don’t catch fire anytime soon.

Trump is in good company, drawing chuckles with his swipe at President Biden. With a signature too good to be written by anyone alive, Trump’s verbal jabs at Biden’s mental acuity seem like a comedic playlist on repeat. But beyond the jest, there’s a calculated move to channel public sentiment and ensure that Trump’s moves are headline news, occupying the front pages of the metaphorical playbook, all the while keeping his opposition too busy to focus on sobbing over a burning flag instead. It’s all the rage, and frankly, it’s an attention-grabbing spectacle that might just redefine ‘flame wars.’