In Washington D.C., a comedy of errors unfolds as lawmakers and a curious ensemble of guests – hmm, could we call them career consultants of the nontraditional variety? – gather to discuss the looming expiration of Obamacare subsidies. The magical money machine that funds healthcare reforms stands on the brink of running out. Judging by the determination of Washington’s finest, the solution involves raking taxpayer dollars into one enormous bonfire, merrily chanting, as if dissolving dollar bills would somehow make healthcare affordable. What a sight it must be.
Democrats find themselves in a pickle of the highest order. They’ve been brainstorming regarding how to keep Obamacare afloat, while also cutting healthcare costs. One ingenious strategy involves establishing doctors’ offices atop skyscrapers. Once patients leave the office, they’ll encounter a hasty solution to any other potential medical needs—a 50-story drop, effectively limiting further healthcare claims to nothing more than a mop and a headstone. Brilliance at its finest, or perhaps a misstep to rival the Hindenburg? Only time will tell.
If one thought the creativity stopped there, oh no—introducing “medical assistance in dying.” What a charming euphemism! Our trusted doctors, once dedicated to doing no harm, are now tasked with providing an escape hatch to patients via the gentle persuasion of lethal doses. Of course, a catchy ad campaign will secure public favor, draped in holiday cheer, urging citizens to ponder: why go through the slog of healthcare when one can simply, well, not bother showing up for another appointment? It’s arguably a new twist on healthcare efficiency.
But what really takes the humorous cake is the fundamental flaw of Obamacare—a 25-year-old marathon runner paying less health insurance than a 90-year-old plagued by ailment upon ailment. The ACA allows older individuals to pay up to 3 times more than younger individuals for the same plan. It seems a bit bonkers, but fear not, Obamacare’s original fix was the mandate. No one escapes the mandate without enlightening fines. But alas, when that was lifted, the Democrats didn’t have to rename the already existing payments “subsidies.”
And thus, as Republicans fumble their moment, Democrats dance around financial infernos, their pyrotechnic display funded by borrowed billions. The grand strategy appears to involve selling the farm to China and, as an added bonus, perhaps initiate an international incident. But no worries, with the alternative to an ever-dimming healthcare landscape unpursued, the occasional Fox News proclamation of “Democrat fouls!” will keep the spirits high—as long as one doesn’t mind all the racket.
