Dems Already Calling Kamala the 2024 Victor

In the latest installment of “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up,” a group of fervent believers called the 4 a.m. Club has emerged from the shadows, claiming that Kamala Harris actually won the last election. Yes, you read that right. These folks, roused from their slumber at the crack of dawn on November 6th, are convinced that the world has somehow glitched, dropping us into an alternate timeline where Harris is indeed president. It’s the left-wing’s flamboyant twist on the conspiracy theories that have become all too familiar over the years.

Spearheaded by a TikTok personality who goes by the enchanting name of Gia Prism, this group dives deep into their inner selves for guidance. Gia, a self-proclaimed psychic medium and healer, relies on what she calls “downloads” from the spirit world. Apparently, these celestial whispers have shown her visions of different election results and even prophecies of certain leaders being unceremoniously shuffled out because of some, let’s say, “head issues.” A refreshing take on political forecasting, wouldn’t you think?

Unlike the more traditional internet sleuthing that we’ve seen in other conspiracy circles, the 4 a.m. Club champions a softer, more introspective approach. They advocate for tapping into the feminine intuition—the divine goddess vibe, if you will. No need to scour cryptic online forums when you can just close your eyes and listen to your gut. It’s conspiratorial mysticism meeting modern social media, and it’s as surreal as it sounds.

Now, while the 4 a.m. Clubbers don’t seem the type to storm any government buildings, their peculiar beliefs highlight a broader issue. It’s no secret that many Americans are feeling a bit lost and disillusioned with the political arena. These conspiracy theories, bonkers as they may be, reflect a deep yearning for control and truth in a world that often seems to be spiraling out of grip. It’s like QAnon traded in its tinfoil hats for crystal balls and essential oils.

So there you have it: another chapter in the growing saga of political conspiracies, painted with quirky pastel colors of new-age mysticism. Perhaps it’ll catch on at book clubs or meditation retreats near you. Until then, we can only sit back, shake our heads, and maybe, just maybe, chuckle at the sheer creativity of it all. In a world where reality occasionally feels as strange as fiction, laughter might just be the best medicine.

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Keith Jacobs

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