Well, folks, it looks like it’s that time of year again when our calendars mysteriously sprout new holidays we never knew we needed. Remember Diwali? You know, that Hindu holiday that’s about to happen in a week or so? Apparently, we’re all supposed to celebrate it now, or at least acknowledge it as part of the grand spectacle of “cultural enrichment.” Our trusty politicians, both Republicans and Democrats alike, decided it was time to jump on the bandwagon and spread some “Happy Diwali” cheer across social media. Because nothing says “I’m relatable” like pretending to understand a holiday you’ve never actually celebrated.

Enter a unique festival involving copious amounts of cow poop. Yes, you heard that right. In some parts of India, like Gummatapura village in Karnataka, folks celebrate by tossing around cow dung like it’s a new Olympic sport. This is part of the local belief that god Beereshwara Swamy was born in cow dung.

Now, before you rush to give anyone a medal for bravery, it’s important to understand this unique cultural tradition. The festival happens at the conclusion of Diwali, and this local celebration is taken very seriously.

This brings up a point our politicians love: identity politics. We’re told that acknowledging such cultural celebrations is a grand step towards unity. But when did catering to every cultural nuance become part of the job description for elected officials? Seems like both sides of the aisle are outdoing themselves in the pandering department these days. Just ask former President Trump, who hosted a Diwali celebration in the Oval Office. Why not? If you can win a few extra votes by tossing in a “Happy Diwali,” who wouldn’t?

But where does it end, one might wonder? We’re juggling countless holidays, each vying for a spot on our overloaded calendars, and watching our leaders play the game of “who can pander the most.” Meanwhile, many Americans are scratching their heads, wondering if they’re missing out on some grand cultural epiphany or if it’s all just political smoke and mirrors. The answer, as usual, probably lies somewhere buried under a heap of cow dung and well-intentioned tweets. So next time your phone reminds you of an obscure holiday you know little about, just raise your glass to diversity and remember: it’s all part of the show.