Once upon a time, in a far-off land not so long ago, fairy tales were meant to be innocent escapes, sharing timeless wisdom sparkled with magic and mystery. Snow White, for instance, with her skin as white as snow and a storyline crafted by women through whispers in the hearthside glow, stood as a beacon of innocence and careful imagination. Yet, in today’s topsy-turvy world of button-mashing Twitter critiques and trend-chasing filmmakers, even Snow White is swept into the cultural crossfire. You see, the wizards—wearing fine suits rather than robes—have decided that these tales, which once carried the whispered hopes of mothers long forgotten, just might be too antiquated for modern tastes. Apparently, the plot thickens when a beloved fairy tale doesn’t conform to the latest woke scripts.

The kindly Brothers Grimm, those early curators of folklore, likely never guessed that centuries later, a battalion of critics would come marching loudly, wielding hashtags instead of quills. Poor Snow White! Her tale is no longer about innocence, cautionary mirrors, or dwarves with childlike hearts experiencing the ebbs and flows of humanity through pint-sized lenses. Instead, it’s become a battlefield for cultural purity tests. If a story doesn’t bend entirely to progressive ideologies, then, oh dear, fire up the Twitter mobs!

Now, let’s not pretend that these changes are just minor updates. This is more like an entire makeover complete with celebrity endorsements. To reinterpret Snow White, you’d need enough postmodern spice to outreason even the spiraling thoughts of a philosophy professor on a caffeine bender. So much for a story about apples and magical slumbers! These classic tales, relics of the past that encapsulate the wisdom of all our great-grandmothers, are now handed a mirror themselves. The reflection? Less fairy tale, more cancel culture cautionary tale.

What’s comical here is that the folks he’s calling “woke” are the same ones who claim they’re champions of diversity and inclusiveness. Yet, they can’t bear to let a story remain in its original poetic form, as if the mere suggestion of a character having pale skin might cause society to unravel. Indeed, Snow White’s alabaster skin was described as being beautiful, and yes, there was a jealous queen concerned about youth slipping away. Such themes may seem old-fashioned but they remain undeniably a part of the human experience. Wisdom, like wine, is trapped within, waiting for the right moment to be uncorked and enjoyed, not poured down the drain.

So, as we swim through the choppy seas of cultural spin and reinterpretation, one might wonder: What’s next on the chopping block? Could it be Jack, of Beanstalk fame, accused of trespassing and cultural appropriation of giants? In the kingdom of fairytales, once-crafted with care and passed down like family heirlooms, perhaps it’s time for a new generation to rediscover these stories. Let them be savored, notes of humor and life lessons preserved, because sometimes the deepest truths are still found in reflections of fair skin and dwarven camaraderie.