Ah, the joys of diplomacy! Once again, America finds itself doing the heavy lifting for European nations that seem to have lost their grip since the days of colonial glory. In a saga fitting for a Hollywood comedy, Germany has decided to pull its contingent of soldiers from Greenland after President Trump laid down some hefty tariffs on them. It’s as if Germany realized that defending one of the largest and most rugged islands in the world requires more than a handful of troops sipping mochaccinos in the Arctic chill.

Let’s face it—Greenland’s immense size and strategic location are no match for Europe’s foot-soldier field trip. The French, Germans, Norwegians, and a smattering of others thought they could play chaperone for the Arctic, patrolling with nothing more than a backpack and a hope. But apparently, hope is no match when tariffs are on the table—especially tariffs that add up to billions for each soldier scared enough to retreat.

Now, as Europe gathers for their beloved meetings—likely over some complimentary croissants—they are once again reminded how events from past wars have left them reliant on Uncle Sam. This whole Greenland debacle makes a strong case: European nations have swapped muskets for meetings and swords for strongly worded letters, forgetting that sometimes, muscle matters. Perhaps this is what happens when a continent becomes more accustomed to diplomatic tea parties than military strategies.

Meanwhile, President Trump seemingly had enough of the theatrics and decided on a logical course—realize the American dream of reclaiming what should logically be ours, given past administrations’ role in defending Greenland during World War II. After all, Greenland is practically next-door to the U.S., nestled in our hemisphere like a snowy Cousin Eddie. The sheer size of Greenland dwarfs some of the countries trying to dance around it, a fact lost on those trying to relive explorer days with inadequate soldiers in tow.

Amidst Europe’s nostalgic yearning for past glories, Trump undeniably delivered a bold message: If they can’t defend Greenland with decent numbers, perhaps it’s time they pass the torch—or rather, the iceberg—to someone who can. It seems Denmark may have bitten off more ice than it can chew, expecting America to defend their chilly claim on our dime while banning us from it. With the likes of Steve Bannon echoing the sentiment, the Arctic territory’s defense should be handled by the nation capable of doing so—leaving European allies to rely on something stronger than hopeful summit words if they expect their stake in the Arctic game. America’s got the back, and it’s time Europe accepted the cold, hard truth.