Is it just the airwaves, or is there a sudden peace that fills the void left by the absence of Vice President Kamala Harris? It’s like the clouds have parted, and a charmingly awkward silence has descended upon the political landscape. For weeks, the public was treated to a delightful respite from her cackling laughter and her usually endless stream of, well, let’s call them “creative interpretations” of reality. Rumor has it her staff had to whip up a concession speech using ChatGPT—perhaps they underestimated the difficulty of running for office in a world where people can sense the absurd.
But lo and behold, the VP has resurfaced, and her message is nothing short of puzzling. In a bid to rally the troops—presumably for an epic political comeback that may or may not involve a rock band and a fog machine—she urged Democrats to “never let anybody take your power” away. How inspiring! If only she had the same energy in actually governing! The sheer strangeness of her return, just in time to gloss over her vacation while the country was negotiating other mysterious matters, feels like the plot of a sitcom that got canceled midway through its first season. What’s next? A reality show called “Survivor: Washington Edition”?
The past few weeks were like a deliciously long commercial break during a marathon of the weirdness known as the Biden administration. Remember when we didn’t see hide nor hair of old Joe either? The media, in its misunderstood loyalty, kept mum as the two leaders slipped off to Hawaii like it was an episode of the “Real Housewives.” Meanwhile, the average DC staffer was left scouring Yelp for reasonable lunch spots while the VP was presumably sipping on Mai Tais, attempting to ignore the lingering ghosts of her groan-worthy debate performances.
Speaking of vacationing politicians, what’s a holiday without the obligatory dose of melancholy? Like clockwork, the libs are already gearing up for their winter blues, courtesy of Michelle Obama’s upcoming workbook. Because, of course, when in doubt, turn to someone named after a famous dessert! This workbook promises to guide spirited progressives through the existential terror of losing an election and the raw vulnerability that comes with the prospect of, gasp, actually trying to reason with someone who voted for Donald Trump. That’s right, nothing says healing like a freshly printed workbook filled with rainbow stickers and inspirational quotes tailored to distract you from your impending doom.
And if hair scandals weren’t already a thing, here we are—going down the rabbit hole of “shaved head revenge.” Yes, some would-be radicals are encouraged to show up at Thanksgiving dinners sporting new hairstyles that scream “I’m trying too hard!” Can you imagine the dad’s face when his millennial kid waltzes in, bold as brass, freshly bald to express their distaste for voting habits? One can’t help but wonder if this is a feast or a one-act play gone horribly awry. Let’s be honest, the most riveting family stories at Thanksgiving never revolve around election results—but rather around Uncle Bob’s ill-fated attempts to make turkey for the first time.
As they stumble into 2024, you can bet your favorite flannel that we’ll have more zany antics, online feuds, and media dramatics promising to light up the news cycle. Just remember, folks: the more things change, the more they stay hilariously the same. So grab your popcorn, cozy up on the couch, and prepare for the politically absurd reality show that is American governance—it promises to be a wild ride!
