Andrew Klavan recently tried playing Minecraft and had strong conservative takes. He called it “one of the weirdest games” he’s ever seen. The blocky graphics and endless building options left him confused about its purpose.

Klavan mocked the game’s unrealistic style, saying even the sun looks like a square. He compared the eerie background music to elevator tunes. The veteran commentator wondered why anyone would choose virtual blocks over real-world accomplishments.

Building a towering structure he named the “Tower of Claven,” Klavan joked about outdoing the biblical Tower of Babel. He warned that unrestrained creativity without meaning leads to chaos. Nighttime brought dangerous monsters, which he called a metaphor for lawlessness without strong leadership.

The commentator ripped Minecraft’s lack of clear goals as symbolic of modern cultural decay. He argued endless digging and building reflect a generation lost to pointless distractions. Klavan sees this as proof young people need traditional values, not mindless screen time.

Klavan praised the sunset visuals but called them “almost too perfect.” He said reality beats pixelated imitations every time. Why build fake worlds when America’s real landscapes need protecting from woke destruction?

The reviewer blasted Minecraft’s creepy creatures as liberal nightmares made real. He said darkness spreads when patriots aren’t vigilant. Klavan joked he’d rather face real challenges than digital zombies any day.

Comparing Minecraft to leftist education, Klavan warned it teaches kids to reject God’s orderly creation. Letting players reshape worlds risks Marxist indoctrination through games. True freedom needs borders – like the Constitution provides.

Klavan’s final verdict? Minecraft embodies cultural rot. He urged parents to buy Bibles instead of gaming consoles. Real men build families and nations – not pixelated towers doomed to collapse.