Citizens across the United States are breathing a collective sigh of relief after a major win against government corruption was announced. A former state analyst under President Biden has admitted to embezzling over half a million dollars, siphoning taxpayer money away with a scheme that would make a pickpocket look honest. This analyst authored 60 checks to herself and a few more to a mysterious acquaintance with whom she reportedly had a personal connection. One can only imagine the nature of this “relationship.” In any case, efforts to combat fraud have seen this crooked bureaucrat caught, restoring a bit of public trust and saving U.S. taxpayers more money, even if it’s a small comfort compared to the grand scheme of government wastage.

While the government’s purse is being sewed up, talk of the future includes far more astounding ideas than fiscal discipline. Elon Musk, the visionary entrepreneur who alternates between polarizing and pioneering, is setting his sights beyond simple Earthly affairs. Forget balancing the budget or reforming regulatory labyrinths; Musk aims to expand the reach of humanity by heading to Mars. He’s been busy planning not just a visit to the Red Planet but a full-fledged, self-sustaining Martian civilization. Let’s be honest, making life a multi-planetary venture sounds more thrilling than another round of bureaucratic budget hearings.

So why Mars, you ask? According to Musk, the journey to Mars serves as a form of “life insurance” for humanity. Seeing as our beloved Sun is supposedly on a mission to eventually incinerate Earth, having a backup planet doesn’t sound so bad. Sure, we have millions of years before this celestial barbecue happens, but just like any prudent person with insurance, Musk believes in preparing for the eventual. It’s a long-term survival strategy that may sound like sci-fi to some, but apparently, it’s a very real concern in the heady world of Musk.

Meanwhile, talk shows and news reports are now abuzz with this newfound existential awareness. The realization that our home planet is not eternal has left some commentators admitting they had no idea about our solar destiny. But better late than never, right? At least Musk’s Mars Plan suggests a future where humanity might just continue to thrive, even when the sun turns up its heat.

Finally, in a delightful twist, there’s the humbling notion that while Musk finds it easier to imagine leading humanity to new worlds, the idea of reforming Washington, D.C. presents itself as an even more daunting task. As we know from recent events in Washington, there’s room for improvement in how taxpayer money is managed down here on Earth—maybe even more room than what Elon Musk hopes to find on Mars. But building a self-sustaining city on another planet? Well, who wouldn’t rather deal with harsh Martian climates and rugged terrains than try to navigate the swamp of bureaucracy? At least on Mars, there won’t be any fraud involved…yet.