In an era of Hollywood fairy tales and big-budget flops, Disney’s “Woke Snow White” drama has taken center stage. Picture this: theater seats emptier than a Des Moines cornfield in December, yet the star of the show, Rachel Ziegler, sat in solitude, basking in the glow of her own screen presence. The footage? Premature “celebration” footage shared by none other than Ziegler herself, a lead with a knack for alienating the very audience Disney hoped to enchant.
The powers that be at Disney or, as some might cheekily suggest, “Woke Disney,” aimed for a socially aware remake. Instead, they crashed and burned to the tune of $170 million. You read that right—one hundred and seventy million dollars, down the enchanted drain. For those keeping track at home, that’s a ticket to financial Neverland, with Disney losing more than just your typical glass slipper.
Financial wizardry didn’t help much. In the world of film financing, the British government offers lucrative tax breaks, allowing Disney to recoup some of their losses—$70 million, to be precise. Despite that, the House of Mouse still managed to misplace a small fortune, investing a grand total of $336 million into a storyline that could have been conjured by the most basic AI. It must be some twisted game of real-life Monopoly, where the shareholders fiddle nervously as the bank goes bust.
The real twist in this modern fairy tale? Whoopi Goldberg and Lizzo were cast in an icy remake of “Tangled,” slated for production. Lucky for them (and maybe us), the underperformance of “Snow Woke” sent Disney’s live-action slate into a deep freeze. You know things are dire when historically fearless Disney pumps the brakes on reimagining another tale because they’re, well, out-of-tune with their audience.
Sometimes you’ve just got to thank these overambitious projects for teaching us a lesson in corporate humility. Much like the Dylan Mulvaney-Bud Light scenario, the debacle of “Woke Snow White” might just be the bitter medicine Hollywood needs to cure its cultural fever. We raise a modest toast to Rachel Ziegler. She proudly proclaimed she didn’t need our business, and it seems her wish, and the audience’s, finally came true.
