In this topsy-turvy world where aliens might invade any moment, it’s fascinating to see which states are deemed most prepared for such an unearthly event. According to the recent study from GIGA, Virginia ranks as the number one state to handle an alien invasion. Given that it houses a laundry list of military defenses, the Pentagon, and perhaps some top-secret lasers we’ve only seen in science fiction, it’s really no surprise. One has to wonder what’s going on in those mysterious government corridors. It’s almost like a scene from a movie, where our tax dollars are spent on gadgets straight out of a Star Wars film, all in the name of fending off extraterrestrial tourists.

Following Virginia, though, the rankings begin to boggle the mind. In second place, there’s Alabama. Maybe they plan to fend off alien invaders with Southern hospitality? Picture aliens being greeted with sweet tea and a “bless your heart” to go on their merry way. And then there’s Massachusetts and New York, both better known for their sanctuary city status. These states couldn’t keep their streets safe from crime, yet they’re supposedly ready for aliens? They could roll out the welcome mat and invite them into those same cities where chaos seems to reign. Perhaps the key is to show extraterrestrials where they rank on the crime-statistics chart, so they’d quickly speed off to another galaxy.

Then we have Minnesota, rounding out the top five. This state was notorious for its handling of supposed “peaceful protests,” which turned parts of the city into anything but that. It’s humorous to think how coexistence bumper stickers might just charm or confuse aliens into submission. Let’s hope the intergalactic visitors appreciate Minnesota nice and agree to a ceasefire over a hot dish instead.

Meanwhile, Nevada finds itself at the bottom of the rankings. Out there in the desert, one imagines UFO owners finding all the free parking they need. Perhaps the extraterrestrials are more interested in taking a spin at the slot machines of Las Vegas than staging an alien apocalypse. One frightened Nevada resident noted that, with no plans to combat an invasion, the region might end up with unwanted visitors squatting in our empty stretches of desert.

All jokes aside, maybe it’s time to start taking this alien invasion stuff a bit more seriously. Evidence suggests contact with our starry neighbors might already be happening, with secretive stuff insinuated but never disclosed. Shouldn’t there be more transparency or at least some dramatic hearings sponsored by your favorite congressional committees? Yet, if our newspapers insist on plastering alien gossip across their pages, maybe we’re in good hands. After all, in the absence of little green men, the headlines are filled with sensational stories to keep the public entertained. Let’s just hope the folks in Virginia have the right defenses, because, evidently, everyone else is preparing with charm and Dairy Queen.