In a world where politics often feels like a circus—and not in a fun, cotton-candy kind of way—one man’s ambitious vision for America is shaking things up. Enter Donald Trump, the man with a plan that seems ripped from the pages of a political satirical novel. His recent press conference at mar-a-lago wasn’t just your usual political spiel; it was a three-ring spectacle where he proposed renaming the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. Yes, you read that right. Goodbye, “Mexico!” Hello, “America!” It sounds like something an excited kid would chant at a 4th of July barbecue, and frankly, who wouldn’t want to be part of that celebration?

This idea isn’t just a random quip. According to Trump, it’s all part of a grand strategy to impose American dominance in our own hemisphere. Why, he wonders, should an American have to show a passport while driving to Alaska? It seems our former President believes that if you’re on U.S. soil—even if it’s Alaska—you should stroll through border checkpoints without a care in the world. After all, America is a buffet of freedoms; who wouldn’t want to upsize their experience to include Canada and Greenland as our newest states? That’s right, folks! Breathe in the air of a new geopolitical era: the “New American Century,” where everything from the Gulf to your local Texas Roadhouse is all under the same red, white, and blue banner.

Let’s take a moment to also appreciate his bold admission regarding the Panama Canal. Apparently, that beloved waterway has been under the thumbs of the Chinese—like your younger sibling you’ve been debating who gets to use the remote. But fear not! Trump is ready to take back the Canal, presumably with the fervor of a kid snatching back his favorite toy. And while he didn’t rule out military action, the exact details of how he plans to do this remain as murky as the waters of said canal. Talk about a plot twist worthy of prime-time television.

But why stop at just a name change? Let’s sprinkle in some State Department negotiators and slowly morph Mexico into “South Texas” while we’re at it. Because if there’s anything Trump loves more than a good press conference, it’s turning real estate decisions into grand political statements. Forget nuanced diplomatic relations; let’s just slap some bold signs on international borders. In a truly American way, we’ll also ensure there are plenty of Cheesecake Factories to keep all our newfound citizens well-fed during their transition.

As the memes fly, it’s clear this press conference called for a round of applause—or perhaps a facepalm. In the great tradition of political discourse, Trump’s antics have the power to spark both rage and hilarity. So, as the dust settles from this whirlwind of ideas, one thing is for sure: America is still a land of opportunity, especially if it includes the chance to rename everything in sight. After all, who wouldn’t want to raised their kids along the shoreline of the Gulf of America, dreaming of a future where every neighboring country could be part of the “United States of Awesome?” Buckle up, everyone; it looks like we’re in for an interesting ride.