Some folks seem to think securing the border is as easy as snapping your fingers. According to recent reports, it appears that the border situation is being touted as practically flawless. Apparently, the border is “100% perfect” now, which is hard to top, unless you’re in a competition for who can conjure up the most fantastical claim. But they claim it will only get better from here, which is certainly saying something if perfection isn’t enough. The declaration is straightforward: the United States welcomes new people, as long as they come in legally. This underpins the argument that industries need new workers to support the whirlwind of economic growth they claim is happening.
The narrative paints a picture of the country swooping up massive riches from tariffs, putting some backbone into an economy allegedly weakened by years of international exploitation. How comforting to think that while everyone else is running deficits and debts, the U.S. might be playing Scrooge McDuck, diving into piles of tariff gold. It’s a story that almost demands an examination of what sort of financial magic tricks are stuffing the coffers and how much of it trickles down to the average American citizen paying their everyday bills.
The new chapter in the ongoing saga includes monumental tax cuts and regulation slashes portrayed as the biggest in history. It’s apparently a grand, beautiful bill, a deal so fetching it’s got its own title—”big beautiful bill.” The aim is to pass this and bestow bountiful cuts on all and sundry. And let’s not forget the beguiling lore of heredity and boundless energy, attributed to robust parental figures whose vigor seemingly births modern fiscal marvels. It seems genetics, in this tale, affect both personal and national endurance, allowing these grand ideas to persist with forceful zeal.
The situation with crime and punishment, both homegrown and imported, gets its share of limelight as well. The hero of this piece is a “phenomenal” ally from El Salvador. He has inexplicably transformed an infamously dangerous place into a haven of safety by building prisons—big ones, because if you’re going to do something, you might as well make it colossal. This El Salvadorian model is being hailed as the answer to the troubles at home as well, supposedly a beacon to rid the land of criminals purportedly let in during the Biden administration. And what gripping tales of conspiracy these are, with villains coming from far and wide to menace American streets.
With talk of self-deportation—yes, folks, encouraging people to pack up and head out voluntarily—this saga introduces another chapter. It’s a controversial proposal painted with the varnish of decency and practicality: send them back with a ticket and a checklist of merit badges, AKA an offer to return legally if they stack up as desirable. For the farmers and industries fretting over labor, there’s a hint of assurance. They’ll take responsibility, and their indispensable workers might just get a cozy path back into the fields and factories. This is diplomacy reduced to transactional expedience, ensuring the wheels of enterprise continue to turn.
Finally, there’s the matter of the border wall—solid, immovable, and allegedly effective. It’s one of those things, like walls and wheels, that they claim must always be relied upon. The personal narrative boxes every opponent into a corner with what’s becoming an inside joke: you can’t argue with a wall. As discussions continue and the state of the nation unfolds like a grand theatrical drama, these decisions supposedly make the border more secure day by day. That’s the tale being told, ending with an image of strength and immobility, like an ancient fortress built to last against time and tide.
