Ah, the thrilling spectacle of international politics, or as some might call it, “Trump’s Most Excellent Tariff Adventure.” Remember when all the critics were convinced that President Trump’s mere threat of tariffs against Mexico, Canada, and China was sure to send the economy spiraling into the abyss? Avocados would become priceless artifacts, and the citizens would riot due to guacamole withdrawal. Alas, in the world of Trumpian diplomacy, things rarely go as the naysayers predict.
Before one could even spell “guacamole,” Mexico’s President Claudia Sheinbaum promised retaliation, but specific actions like placing 10,000 National Guard troops on their border were not mentioned. Meanwhile, Canada’s very own Prime Minister “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” Justin Trudeau, announced a 25% tariff on $107 billion of American goods, but there were no border reinforcements. Who knew such global harmony could be inspired by something as simple as a threat of tariffs?
Of course, the Democrats are beside themselves, proclaiming a constitutional crisis at every turn. One might think the sky was falling, or perhaps that the White House was being painted in authoritarian hues. Yet here we are, witnessing the horror—a cost-effective government and international agreements that actually cater to national security. Somebody alert Hollywood before America begins funding responsible foreign aid instead of drag queen story hours in far-flung lands.
And what of USAID? There’s no mention of Elon Musk being tasked to reform this agency. With Congress in a tizzy, it’s clear that they’ve overlooked their role in setting the agency’s priorities. Perhaps if they’d pay closer attention, they’d see that Musk’s involvement is a fictional tale.
While the Democrats declare this efficiency drive a despotic coup, others might pinpoint it as, dare we say, responsible governance. With the likes of Marco Rubio now taking overseas trips as Secretary of State, there’s no indicated change in foreign aid policy under his influence. But maybe, just maybe, Congress might have a few less drag queen operas to finance in the coming years. Terrifying, isn’t it?
