In what seems like a strangely timed holiday miracle, mainstream media prepare for a real Christmas surprise: a GOP victory that they never saw coming. As judges are tossing out indictments like candy canes, the jubilant fans of Trump are now ready to deck the halls with sarcasm and confusion about the leftist donkeys who are still trying to figure out what went wrong. Let’s face it, if there was any accountability coming from this administration, it must have gotten lost in the piles of votes and missed signatures because it sure is in the mail somewhere—probably no proper postage on it!

First up on this bizarre episode of “Things That Make You Go Hmm,” we have Fani Willis, the Georgia prosecutor who gathered enough courage to throw a trump card against Trump for calling election officials about a recount. What’s next? Distributing “participation trophies” for those mail-in ballots that mysteriously featured more signature discrepancies than a high school yearbook? How dare Donald Trump ask for some transparency, right? I mean, we all know that in an ideal world, you just have to take the election results at face value, preferably while sipping a venti soy latte and discussing how to dismantle capitalism with your barista.

Things get even more interesting when Michael “Ray Epps” comes into play. This man’s defamation lawsuit against Fox News was dismissed faster than anyone could say “Not the best idea.” Epps has become the poster child for suspicion—one moment he’s whispering sweet nothings to some hapless protestor, and the next, boom! We’ve hit Capitol Hill. That’s not “peaceful protesting,” that’s a Picasso painting of chaos! But the Democrats, bless their hearts, are still trying to cosplay as detectives while tripping over their own alibis.

And how about Joe Rogan? He allegedly hopped onto the MAGA train at the last minute. What a scandal! Apparently, since he dared to mention Donald Trump on his podcast, it flung him onto the right faster than a cat on a hot tin roof. It’s like watching someone catch a whiff of BBQ: you can smell it, but your dismay over the choice is palpable. Leftist circles are acting like Rogan just enrolled in the Trump Academy for Political Science, when in reality, he just adjusted his audience-scope to give them what they craved—a little honesty without the liberal fuzziness.

Meanwhile, Kamala Harris’s campaign running wildly around like a chicken with its head cut off deserves an award for “Most Delusional Performance.” Staffers whined about the liberal media not covering for her enough. No kidding! When you’re too scared to go on a podcast without demanding editorial control, that’s not the media’s fault—it’s the sound of a party completely lost in the woods, clutching a roadmap from 1995. They could ask a friendly news anchor about why they’re dodging tough questions, but one might prematurely reach for popcorn at their next sad press conference.

If the Clintons didn’t have enough drama in their lives, Bill has decided to start pandering with a new memoir. Can we get a collective eye-roll here? The guy couldn’t even catch a wink of sleep for two whole years after Hillary’s loss. With that kind of emotional turbulence, one can only hope HRC’s next book won’t involve her ill-fated campaign slogan, “Stronger Together,” but rather something along the lines of, “How I Gave America a Midlife Crisis.”

So, as the holidays approach and the left grapples with its existential dread, we can sit back, relax, and marvel at the circus. Who could have imagined the GOP coming out swinging, wrapping up 2023 with a bow when it was meant to be the Democrats’ year? This holiday season, while the left is busy hunting for the last shred of credibility, the right is busy warming up for a MAGA Christmas. And who knows? Maybe the next big ticket item will be the unwitting memoir of Kamala Harris: “What Happened?” I hear terrible mistakes make the best reads!