In the whirlwind of international politics, it’s always comforting to know that some things never change—like the perennial outrage machine fueled by the Ben Shapiros and Ted Cruzes of the world whenever America edges oh-so-close to not bombing a country back to the Stone Age. It seems that President Trump’s high-wire act of negotiating a potential peace deal with Iran has ruffled the feathers off the usual flock of hawks, who frankly remind one more of Chicken Littles crying that the sky is falling.
The supposedly disaster-laden 60-day memorandum of understanding with Iran has everyone from Ben “Soundbite” Shapiro to Ted “Tissue-Please” Cruz running around in a tizzy, as if peace—temporary or not—is worse than whatever endless conflict they were rooting for. Oddly enough, while most Americans are yearning to focus on making America great again rather than playing Middle East mediator, the stars of the neocon show seem to revel in the drama.
Rumor has it, repeated bombing runs did not complete the job of dismantling Iran’s nuclear ambitions. Shocker. So now, President Trump is attempting to seal a deal that avoids further destruction of his already kaleidoscopic reputation while restoring a semblance of order. This, of course, is insufferable to those who believe that the solution to every problem lies somewhere between a warhead and a taxpayer’s wallet. Just ask Israel’s devout supporters, who apparently have measured American loyalty by how many times U.S. interventions can prop up their regional dominance.
Let’s also not forget the teary-eyed nostalgia of Michael Savage, who once bestowed Ben Shapiro with his signature “Mickey Mouse on laughing gas” critique. Yet today, even this character from a bygone era finds himself exasperated by Ben’s persistent presence, seen now less as a giggling mascot and more as a heavyweight in misinformation when it comes to Middle Eastern policy. Who knew that spewing doctrinarie views with a squeaky pitch could move mountains of media narratives?
In another dazzling display of logic, Ted Cruz, always ready with a handkerchief for Ben, has been busy promulgating the fiction that America is somehow treating Iran to billions from Uncle Sam’s rainy-day fund. The reality? Less fantastical: unfrozen assets and investment opportunities. Perhaps Cruz’s penchant for tall tales comes from spending one too many nights serenaded by the whiny hymns of his own party’s rumors.
The spectacle continues with none other than Douglas Murray, wax poetic about Israel, thanks to personal persuasion. Because if you can’t sing praises from the mountaintops about a small state halfway across the globe, what can you really do? To the everyday American scratching their head, this might seem overly indulgent. But then, defending Western civilization, from perceived existential threats, apparently requires the kind of top-down sermonizing usually reserved for those who confuse realpolitik with pulp fiction plots.
As this curtain rises and falls, President Trump plays ringmaster to a circus he perhaps never quite imagined, cutting a deal he hopes ends this long chapter. Whether peace succeeds or falters under the weight of political egos and historical grudges remains to be seen. But for now, enjoy the drama—bottled, sealed, and delivered from D.C. with love.
